What I've learned about renovation that differs from HGTV:
1. It takes longer than 30 minutes.
2. There is only one Carter Oosterhouse — and all the other semi-decently good looking carpenters and contracters are also employed by HGTV. Because they aren't at my house.
My renovation project has officially gone over time. I think. See, I distinctly remember someone telling me it'd be done in a week (it's not a big project, really). But that was probably before they factored in — what I like to call — the drunken drywall dude.
Oh, I'm not saying he was drunk on site. But he IS a drunk. And that affects how quickly he works, when he shows up for work, and when he has to leave. Because alcoholics need their drinks and they need their recovery time. Take, for instance, the exchange on Friday afternoon when he asked me if he could come at 8AM and work until about noon on Saturday to finish the drywall. And I said sure, because hubby and I don't typically get motivated to run around town until noonish anyway.
Now, when I tell him it's okay, I'm looking at him sort of askance and thinking, “Yeah, like you'll actually be here.” The day I was told he'd be here at noon, he didn't arrive until almost 3. And it was nearly Friday night and he looked like he needed a drink. Eight AM on a Saturday seemed about as likely as a short trip to the moon and back.
What do you think happened?
Exactly. I'm up at 8, waiting. No dude. Nine comes, no dude. A different dude, not drywall, arrives to put speaker wires in the wall and do some other things. This guy is nice, competent, and a great worker. I like and trust him. If he says he'll be here, he'll be here.
Drywall dude never shows. Never calls. Nada. Monday morning, drywall dude arrives with another dude (presumably a babysitter of sorts) and they finish the drywall. Do you think he said a word to me about Saturday?
But that's not my only adventure in renovation yesterday! In the afternoon, a different guy shows up — not with my renovation contractor, I can tell, because he has no company truck. He's in a green truck, he's not wearing a shirt (and, alas, he looks nothing like our example above), and I'm thinking he must be at the wrong place. He gets out of the truck, digs around for a shirt, manages to get it on, and comes to my door.
It's the tile guy from my builder come to finish my backsplash. Did I mention I've lived in this house for over a year? That the tile people have made and broken more appointments than I can even remember? He showed up unannounced (good thing I was home!), alone, and with tile that looked suspiciously wrong. After much banging on the tile, frightening the cats, and asking my opinion about the color once he'd sealed it, the backsplash is done and tile dude is gone. I can only hope the color holds out once the sealer dries.
So, that's my excuse for not having a Monday post. Adventures in reno land, minus the good-looking hunky shirtless guy in a toolbelt and jeans. And that crazy HGTV tries to make it look so easy (and sexy), don't they? What kind of house project adventures have you had?
HGTV is home renovation romance. Real life is never the same as it sounds on TV. I love when they do projects and say something that sounds easy, like “make sure its level and plumb” then skip onto the next thing. In reality, I’ll spend an hour cussing and adjusting and taking it down and doing it again trying to get it level and plumb. Or even better, when they’re installing a patio or something and they say “dig six inches down, then put a layer of sand and gravel, ensuring the ground is level and sloping away from the house for proper drainage.” They move onto laying the paving stones (a miserable task in of itself) but I never get that far because I can hardly crack the ground in my yard with a pick ax, much less dig a 10×30 hole that’s 6 inches deep (and level) all the way around.
So simple. Plus the guys are hot. Always.
It’s T.V.! No one will watch the show if the guy is talking about getting it level and plumb while sporting plumber’s surprise when he bends over.
We had to have our shower rebuilt when we lived in Oklahoma. The boys always showed their plumb. Blech!!!
Renovation romance. I like that, SP! You’re right they make it sound easy. In fact, it was something they did on television that made us decide having an entertainment system built into the wall was a good idea. On the show, the family did it themselves with help from one of the carpenters.
Ha! Here, it took 3 guys all day to frame this one out — measuring, sawing, nailing. And they knew what they were doing. Hubby and I decided this was money well spent. I had delusions we could have done it — until I watched these guys.
Kathy, no plumber’s surprise here yet. No plumbers though. Sounds like we’re lucky! 🙂
Lynn,I feel your pain. I’ve been trying to get a laundry room done and a plumbing hole patched for 2 years. I can’t even get the carpenters to show up more or less do the job. What if…you did get a hunky carpenter that actually showed up…oh the possibilities. I feel a romance brewing somewhere out there.
LOL, Patricia! A romance with a hunky carpenter — who is secretly a billionaire Greek tycoon! It could work. 🙂
My hubby might not be too happy if a real carpenter showed up who looked like the one in the pic, though. *sigh* But a girl can dream!