What I’ve learned about renovation that differs from HGTV:

1. It takes longer than 30 minutes.

2. There is only one Carter Oosterhouse — and all the other semi-decently good looking carpenters and contracters are also employed by HGTV. Because they aren’t at my house.

***

My renovation project has officially gone over time. I think. See, I distinctly remember someone telling me it’d be done in a week (it’s not a big project, really). But that was probably before they factored in — what I like to call — the drunken drywall dude.

Oh, I’m not saying he was drunk on site. But he IS a drunk. And that affects how quickly he works, when he shows up for work, and when he has to leave. Because alcoholics need their drinks and they need their recovery time. Take, for instance, the exchange on Friday afternoon when he asked me if he could come at 8AM and work until about noon on Saturday to finish the drywall. And I said sure, because hubby and I don’t typically get motivated to run around town until noonish anyway.

Now, when I tell him it’s okay, I’m looking at him sort of askance and thinking, “Yeah, like you’ll actually be here.” The day I was told he’d be here at noon, he didn’t arrive until almost 3. And it was nearly Friday night and he looked like he needed a drink. Eight AM on a Saturday seemed about as likely as a short trip to the moon and back.

What do you think happened?

Exactly. I’m up at 8, waiting. No dude. Nine comes, no dude. A different dude, not drywall, arrives to put speaker wires in the wall and do some other things. This guy is nice, competent, and a great worker. I like and trust him. If he says he’ll be here, he’ll be here.

Drywall dude never shows. Never calls. Nada. Monday morning, drywall dude arrives with another dude (presumably a babysitter of sorts) and they finish the drywall. Do you think he said a word to me about Saturday?

Nope.

But that’s not my only adventure in renovation yesterday! In the afternoon, a different guy shows up — not with my renovation contractor, I can tell, because he has no company truck. He’s in a green truck, he’s not wearing a shirt (and, alas, he looks nothing like our example above), and I’m thinking he must be at the wrong place. He gets out of the truck, digs around for a shirt, manages to get it on, and comes to my door.

It’s the tile guy from my builder come to finish my backsplash. Did I mention I’ve lived in this house for over a year? That the tile people have made and broken more appointments than I can even remember? He showed up unannounced (good thing I was home!), alone, and with tile that looked suspiciously wrong. After much banging on the tile, frightening the cats, and asking my opinion about the color once he’d sealed it, the backsplash is done and tile dude is gone. I can only hope the color holds out once the sealer dries.

So, that’s my excuse for not having a Monday post. Adventures in reno land, minus the good-looking hunky shirtless guy in a toolbelt and jeans. And that crazy HGTV tries to make it look so easy (and sexy), don’t they? What kind of house project adventures have you had?