It’s that time of year again! No, not THAT time.

It’s the time when The Guardian (UK) bestows its bad sex award.

Now in its 13th year, the prize, which only targets literary fiction, aims “to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it.” The winner, who will be announced on December 1 at the In & Out Club in London, is awarded a semi-abstract statue representing sex in the 1950s and a bottle of champagne, if he or she turns up.

The article excerpts the nominees, but you can read the full passages here. I can’t choose, they’re so bad in their badness. But any passage that features a lobster having sex with a woman (yes, a LOBSTER!) gets my vote. I hope it’s not really a lobster, I hope it’s a metaphor for something else. Yeesh.